I AM held

In January I went on a retreat. And this wasn't just a withdrawal from the world retreat, this was 7 days of absolute silence - absolutely NO talking to anyone in the halls, no conversing during breakfast, lunch and dinner (which makes you very aware of how loud your chewing is!) and no speaking on the phone to loved ones. Other rules included no social media, no technology, no reading (especially the book you'd saved all year to take away) and no watching TV. Although you were allowed to do jigsaws! Mmmm  . . . ?

I went into it wondering how, on earth, I would be quiet for 7 days and I came out of it wondering how I would ever re-enter normal noisy life. Because silence was absolutely what I had needed, though I didn't know that until I entered it. 

The two concessions were  . . 

1. Spending an hour a day with a spiritual director.
2. Sharing the Eucharist with other participants every evening before dinner.

Actually, I did have a third, of course in complete and utter agreement with my spiritual director (honestly!) in that I was allowed to read a book and to write in my journal as was my usual daily practice.

I had gone into the week seeking God for my future (having just resigned from a role in the church) and the question in my mind was, "What is God wanting to birth in you that will bless not only you, but others around you?" So it was with complete amazement that on my first meeting with my SD she asked, "What is seeking birth in you in these next few days?"

Then she went on to read some words from the priest/poet/philosopher John O'Donohoe from his poem, For The Traveler . . . .

When you travel, you find yourself
Alone in a different way,
More attentive now
To the self you bring along . . .

Perhaps significantly, what God was wanting to birth in me, was ME and my journey toward finding my authentic self in God. I came out of that week not only hearing from God but hearing my own voice again and trusting her wisdom.

My SD asked me to find an image among the many pictures and sculptures that were available on site and sit with it to let it speak to me. And so, I came across the image of a baby being held, this new life that has come to birth, being cherished and loved and held in the strong hands of God.

And that is where I found myself. Being held, womb-like, in God's embrace.

I realised that my spiritual journey had brought me to this place, a place of knowing, from head to heart, that God is not only within me, but that I AM held in God.

*You can read the full John O'Donohoe poem here  https://www.awakin.org/v2/read/view.php?tid=2191